Sunday.. Where is it going?

Ahh I woke up today feeling so tired. I guess I am just feeling tired and overwhelmed from this week in general. I had no intentions of having eggs for breakfast, I havent had eggs in so long, but my husband and I went to this little cafe and I ordered 2 eggs w/spinach, mushrooms, and onions. If I ever even eat eggs, its only egg whites and this time around I forgot to order egg whites. I was so disappointed. My husband knew I was not happy and he had also been given the task to clean our house (as he never does it!), so he stalled it by asking if I wanted to have a mimosa at this really cute, lil wine place by our house. We ended up having bottomless mimosas, I had 4, and came home. I was of course starving and ate junk, a bag of 94% fat free kettle corn popcorn and a handlful of cool ranch Doritos from my husband's stash. UGH I am sitting here right now feeling SUPER GUILTY for having that popcorn and chips. I try to eat really healthy mostly, but I cannot lose a single pound and I think it is due to my weekend drinking of either wine, mimosas, whatever, anything to feel some relief from the week and everything going on in my head. Most of the times it is not even my doing, but once I am out drinking a drink having fun, the times don't stop. Very depressing, honestly I dont know why this makes me feel so f***ing guilty. I used to have an eating disorder, back in the day, I've been anorexic, bulimic, I met my husband when I was 20 lbs lighter, so everytime I look at myself, weigh myself, I feel like a complete failure. How did I let myself get to this point?

I would say last year, being seperated from my husband took a toll on me, I would eat raw all day and have late night binges on whatever junk food was in my parent's house. How emberassing is that? I feel like an idiot, why am I even writing this? I guess I am just typing out my feelings. I am so frustrated with feeling guilty.....

I just wish I had a hairless cat....